Facebook Friends

I get requests from people I don’t know to be Facebook friends. If I recognize someone I know in common, I usually accept them. If not, I scan their Facebook page to see if we think in similar fashion. If there are enough kernels of synchronization, I accept them. Synchronization; doesn’t mean they agree with my thinking but might bring diversity into the conversation; might help others understand broader issues.

Scanning their information, I learn where they were born, where they now live, what job they have and where they were educated. This provides a broad pastiche to begin understanding them. I am stunned at the number of people without formal education. They have survived by doing what is needed to live and survive. They are whole. They have come through their journey thus far to make a life and enjoy it.

In comparison with those I counsel, some thoughts are formed. Here is a small cross section of those thoughts.

·        Positive vibes provide a good outlook on life; they are married and have kids, or maybe involved   with their siblings’ kids until they have their own

·        They engage in fun activities 

       

       They are active and express satisfaction with their accomplishments 

·        They demonstrate caring for others

·        They make the best of their experiences including education, no matter how humble

·        They seek the positive

·        They anticipate the future

Getting my counseling clients to emulate the listed observations of Facebook friends, is the task I must do. Somehow there is a connection to this positive thinking that most of us have. They do not. They are locked in a lonely place. That has led to job loss, poverty, drug or alcohol abuse, and a continuing decline in their spiral of life.

Reversing that spiral is the goal. But how?

Who has the expertise to do this? Can a patient heal him- or her-self? What are the chances that this happens? Does it last? What do non-patients do, the normal ones?

I think they experiment to see what works. They try to fix first, if that doesn’t happen, they seek short term escape from the problem. Later they return to it and try again. They don’t give up; on it or themselves.

The less fortunate don’t return to try again. They are defeated. They accept defeat. They look for blame to escape their own pointing finger. But that’s the problem we seek to fix once again. How?

I fervently feel we can help. Maybe by getting them to laugh? To express themselves in directions they don’t feel able to? If depressed, ask them to jot down their thoughts? Write a poem or short story on the feeling? Perhaps it is a song they are compelled to sing or mutter. Maybe it is reading something familiar that pulls them to a better place and then relaunch their thinking?

Questions. Always questions. It is they who need this. But it is we who press forward for them.

Are we making a difference? When will we know this?

October 30, 2018