To the Homeless Shelter

Friends of mine are in their elder years. The man is 80 and she is 71. She has dementia; perhaps at a stage of 40%? I’m not a doctor so I don’t know. He is exhausted watching after her afraid of what will happen if he stops watching. He hasn’t told her or discussed dementia with her. They live in subsidized senior housing and are facing eviction because they spent their rent money on their son.

The 34 year old son faces homelessness and alcoholism. We think he has been sober for about 2 weeks. That’s the good part. The bad: no job; no resolve to get a job; continues to beg money from his father for food, cigarettes and rent in a local motel. He is depressed. He is hopelessly self-centered and unable to search for a job. He gets ‘sick’ every time we arrange to take him to a social agency or homeless shelter.

Sunday we had arranged to check him out of the motel and drive him to the shelter. He claimed sore throat and fever. The shelter won’t admit him while ill. So, another day in the motel and nothing done. I drove to the folks’ apartment, picked them up and went to the motel where the son is staying. No progress. Stalemate again.

I’ve helped them with this problem for 7 months. I’ve driven countless miles, spent unknown dollars on gas and minor meals out with them to talk about their problems. No progress whatever on any of the problems. The result: I’m exhausted and feeling badly used. She is unaware her dementia makes these conversations difficult because she doesn’t know or trust that we have covered these details before.

The ultimatum has been offered: I’ll pick them up Monday morning, take them to their son’s room, and we will transport him to the shelter. This is the last offer I will make. They know it. They accepted. The son accepted. Now I await whether this will actually happen tomorrow. I’ll let you know.

Update: Yesterday came and I received a call from the dad that the son had become frenzied and uncontrollable Sunday afternoon. Dad hired an Uber car, picked up the son, transported him to hospital where they admitted him for observation and calming down. Later in the day I picked up mom and dad and took them to the motel to retrieve their son’s personal belongings, then drove them home. Made arrangements to take them to the hospital Tuesday and drop them off to await the son’s discharge.

Where he goes from there is an open question. The shelter notified the son they will not admit him and think he belongs in a residential facility where he will get the care he needs. Duh! But who knows where and how to get him admitted? In Illinois there are precious few of these places. Worse, it is a mystery how to get patients admitted to them. Kane County doesn’t offer help. The hospital won’t help their patients gain entry to such programs, and other social agencies have turned a deaf ear.

How much wasted time, energy, money and other resources is spent on this type of folly? How sick a society do we have on our hands? We are enablers not carers or solvers. When will this change?

I have no true answer. Does anyone?

October 23, 2018