Keep At It

So, you’re driving down the road and someone cuts in front of you a little too close. You back off by instinct. A little surprised they’d do that. Did they misjudge the distance? Did he not see you clearly? Or was he pushing his way around like a pig? Did he do it intentionally? What’s going on?

I think more than we would surmise, actually. What we do instinctively is react defensively, to protect. Then we try to make sense of it. What happened? Why? Did I do something I shouldn’t have? Or did the other driver? 

This thinking process is productive as long as we learn how to avoid difficulties in the future. Can we identify a peril beforehand and guard against it? Not be a victim on the one hand or the cause of an accident on the other? 

Where the thinking process goes awry is when we assess blame. At that point things begin to go off track. We cannot control the other person’s actions. We can control how we let those actions affect us. It is natural to react. How well we react and reacquire self control is our business. 

Playing the blame game hurts only the self. It feels good for a short time; but then it begins to eat at you, from the inside out! It doesn’t really help you get anywhere useful. Letting loose of the hurt is healthy. First we have to recognize it as a hurt. 

From the Internet: “Stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what feels good.” 

A good thought to work with. And work it will take to determine what it is that hurts. It is not always easy to do that. But once done, toss it out and prepare for the good stuff! We can do that. Only I can do that for myself. You too.

As I work out thoughts I’m not sure if my conclusions are correct. Am I premature in making a conclusion? Is there more information needed to make a better summation of the matter? Can it be improved? What am I trying to prove, and to whom? Myself or other? And then, of course, why am I doing this?

Because it helps me deal with the world as it is. I am driven to understand it. To make sense of it. But that is difficult, isn’t it? What ideas work well, and which don’t? Which get in the way and why? Is the full context being accounted for? Am I missing something big or little? Is it important or not?

And then what do you do with this understanding once I feel comfortable that it is a truth? Do I share it? Do I keep it to myself? What do I do with it? 

Sharing is a way of working with the idea and ‘proving it out’. Rubbing an idea against the thinking of others is a good test of its wholeness. Reactions are not always accepting, but they are helpful. They let me know how to rethink the idea or improve on it so it is more useful to others.  

Mohandas Ghandhi said: “Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you. Never apologize for being correct, or for being years ahead of your time. If you’re right and you know it, speak your mind. Speak your mind. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth.”

The truth may make you free, but it is also lonely. Dealing with that is another challenge. At least you are doing the work that is important to you and avoided by others. It will be your job to help them understand the more complex things in life. It’s a good thing; not easy, but good. For you and them.

 

Keep at it.

 
May 25, 2012