I was in a meeting recently. A public one in which the
participants were all elected to the board to do the public’s business. The
agenda was established. Our routine was well known. The meeting got underway.
As the agenda unfolded many policy statements were reviewed
and enacted. All were basic and mirrored our established manner of doing
business. Editing and tweaking the text was minimal. Then came a policy manual
of 38 pages. One of our board members had ideas about editing the manual in
detail that would not change policies suggested but rather how they were
written. The text’s voice was under discussion. Punctuation became a minor
issue. Reading level of potential users of the manual was also discussed. Many
changes were being made.
I began a slow burn. A meeting that is usually one hour in
length went on past two hours and came to an end just short of 3 hours.
Exhausted and frustrated, tempers became a bit brittle. Especially mine.
This meeting began at 6:15 pm and ended at 9 pm. Each of us
had put in a long day at our own lives and careers. And then someone raised an
issue about another organization in town – the chamber of commerce. The
comments began to build with little respect for the dignity of that organization.
Criticism was plentiful. Not one person was a part of that organization but me.
And my slow burn from previous board work exploded with this new turn of
discussion.
Now the Chamber is not without its faults and weaknesses. No
organization is, especially one solely comprised of volunteers. I've served on
the Chamber’s board for 15 years or so. Being a consultant in strategic
planning and organizational development, I recognized the Chamber’s need to
improve if it were to be truly effective. I worked on those issues for a number
of years and the Chamber prospered.
Along the way I learned that history often shadows an
organization, especially a public one. Seems the Chamber had been the center of
attention years ago and not all people are prone to forgiveness. We worked
through those problems and focused on the future. A lot of good work was done
and the organization flourished.
Back to the meeting in question – I allowed that the Chamber
probably had not performed as expected on a joint project with our organization
and that a future agreement would have to be worked out. Most likely that
agreement would actually sever our relationship with the Chamber for that
project going forward. That would be an expected outcome and reasonable, for
both organizations. In fact this was a direction both organizations were
expecting. They had outgrown the original purpose of collaborating on the
project.
Instead of moving on with this understanding, discussion
centered on finding fault with the Chamber. I didn't disagree with the fault; I
merely suggested that it was not fruitful to discuss this any longer given the
late hour and most likely would not be working with them in the future on this
project. Continued discussion of a negative nature was not appropriate. And I
reacted accordingly.
There is one person in particular who delights in talking
about other people and their organizations. She thinks it is funny. I think it
is vain gossip. It burns up time and effort for no gain.
These lessons popped to mind later upon reflection:
“If
you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”
~Booker
T. Washington
“Speak in such a way
that others love to listen to you.
Listen in such a way that others love to speak
to you.”
~Anonymous
“The problem is not
the problem.
The problem is your attitude about the
problem.
Do you understand?”
~Captain
Jack Sparrow
(Pirates of the Caribbean )
“Everyone you meet is
fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind. Always.”
~Anonymous
At the end of a long day it takes patience and forbearance
to stay positive. That job belongs to all of us in the meeting room. Each of
us.
Not a bad etiquette to practice.
August 23, 2013
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