Feeling the Inside

I am not a cool person. I know that.  In the past some people have told me I must be a cool dad, but then they would not really know that.  No.  I am a nerd, a geek. I tend to focus on things most people aren't interested in. I see things others miss. And when I speak up about them the others think I’m a little ‘off’.  That’s OK. I agree to remain a geek.

However, I often wonder if others feel things the way I do? You know how a new leather glove feels when you slip it on? Tight and well fitting. The inner surfaces fit just right. Same with a pair of shoes, new or already broken in. A good pair of shoes has a wonderful feel to them. The inner soles are smooth and arched to support the foot perfectly. The inner surfaces of the sides and uppers are smooth as well, stitched finely to offer no points of friction or rubbing when walking. It’s the feeling inside the shoe or the glove I wish to focus attention on.

Feeling the inside. Like music that fits a mood and mirrors my inside self. Or hearing a line of music and seeing it better than hearing it. The line paints a picture of swirls of activity, maybe birds or tree tops pushed by the wind. Or a river surging down its course to places unknown, over rocks and falls and through dim narrows and chasms. The music suggests movement.

Feeling the inside. Like poetry probes the depth of ideas and emotions. Expressions that can be made in no other way but poetry. Or maybe music? Or painting? Or dance?

Insides. Of people, emotions, beauty and ugliness. In unspeakable moments and places.

Listening to youth recount their experiences with drugs is a trip in itself. For me it is like eavesdropping on a group of chemists at an academic conference. The lingo and technical jargon is amazing. Who knew kids could master this language?

I should have guessed they would. After all they do quite well with tech gadgets, snickering at me struggling to receive or make a call on my cell phone! They can extract much more utility from their phones. Not me; never!

These are inside moments with the kids. They are unguarded, chatting their familiar jargon. A good time to ask a not so innocent question: ‘What do you want to do with your life?’ They stumble but look me in the eye and attempt an answer.

I think their parents would be surprised to learn some of those answers. One wants to develop his tattoo art skills. Another wants to be a glass blower and create art glass. Another wants to be a stage actor with serious script material like Shakespeare and Inge. One wants to become a ballet dancer, another a contemporary dancer. Still others in the group express the desire to write, all sorts of material – scripts, poems, novels – the whole gamut.

The insides of these youth are something to behold. They have dreams. They have serious thoughts. They need to be heard. No, more than that; they need to be engaged. Honestly engaged. We might be amazed at what we will learn, about them and about us.

I awoke early this morning with these thoughts rumbling in my head. I felt their meaning. I wondered if I could express them well enough for others to understand.

I guess the main thought is this: do we try to get inside of things and people to better understand them? Do we give them a chance to be important enough in our lives to do this for them? I wonder.

I fear we don’t do it at all most of the time. And when and if we do, it may be too fleeting or too infrequent to be of help, of value.

If you give another person – regardless of age, status or rack of problems – the chance to be heard and felt, I think we can build a meaningful dialog with that person. In just that moment. At just the right time. It is fleeting. It will not last. Best we make the most of it.

Not doing this, not developing this communication ability, means we will miss out on much of what the other person is worth. The other horrible truth is this: he will miss out on what we are worth, too.  It is a two-way street.

Do we have these communication skills already? If yes, are we using them well? If we don’t have the skills, how do we obtain them? And when?

Will it be in time? To feel the inside?

July 17, 2014