Mid-Life Crises

I've been around the circuit a few times. A lot of years to practice with! Life changes, challenges abound, we make the best of it, and move on.

Dating. Marriage. Kids. House buying. House fixing. House maintenance. And cleaning! Car purchases, maintenance, gas, repairs, replacements. Then adding to the fleet! As more drivers enter the family and need transportation more cars are acquired. The maintenance schedule is mind boggling! And the gas bills, too!

Career concerns come and go. Career decisions are made and changed from time to time. Commuting patterns change. Industries change. Everything changes. And with it the need of new responses by the individual.

Lots of adjustments made living life. And the fun? Gatherings with family. Vacation trips as well. Shopping for interesting things and working with family members throughout it all. Planning new trips. Maybe buying a summer vacation home. Perhaps planning a long put off cruise? Or a grand tour of the canyons of the southwest, or of Europe. The Far East, or other exotic lands long wondered about.

Illness and death in the family provide challenges to fun times and happiness. Sadness intervenes. Not on schedule. But on its own timeline. Inevitable really. How we handle it is not inevitable.

Life is filled with joy. It is also filled with threat of interruption and pain, and sadness, and loss. The trajectory of our individual lives is a singular journey on the one hand, made livable by the sharing of it with others. Crisis cannot be avoided. It must be faced. Sometimes it is only a matter of time to get past it. Often hard work is required.

Crisis. Do we give in to it? Or fight back? Do we recognize the growth potential of the situation? Is this a learning experience that will bring us to full maturity or closer to it? Is that task ever truly done? Probably not. Who do we lean on to get through the troubled times? Are they trustworthy and helpful? Or do they help us avoid the hard work. Seek the fun alternative. Escape the reality of the life fully lived?

Each of us encounters these trip points on our own. We have friends and specific family members available to ease the passage through difficult times. But we have to ask them, involve them in our time of need. Going it alone is rarely a good strategy. Struggling with imponderables alone can lead to poor conclusions and decisions.

Life can be filled with regret. And resentment. Those are destructive, however. Best to actively avoid them. Seek love and sharing as the anecdote. Seek trust. Seek quiet and calm in which to consider options. Then make considered decisions.

Too many choose divorce rather than growth. They choose blame, resentment and regret.

Too many choose drugs or alcohol rather than personal honesty and hard work thinking through the problems that steer us toward avoidance through addictions.

Too many opt for no decision and allow the problems to fester unattended. Too many allow this form of remote control to rule their lives. Serendipity is the commander of all that follows. Whatever will be will be. Que sera, sera. You know the words. But do we know the tune?

The easy answer beckons but is usually wrong. Growth takes work. Commitment produces workable change. Maturity demands our attention and our work and commitment. Good marriages rely on these factors. Happy lives are intentional and the result of good work.

Divorce is often the result of a faulty decision at the start of the relationship. Divorce is often the faulty conclusion of messy thinking ill considered. It is also the result of irreconcilable differences. Enter into it with great caution so as not to compound the problems. Is this a moment for growth?

How do we separate all of these things so we can manage them well?

If I knew the answer to that question, I’d be famous! Meanwhile, I’ll continue to ponder the issue even though I’m well passed mid-life.

January 16, 2015