Texas

Have you ever wondered what it would be like growing up in Texas? All that land, sand and mesquite. Hot and dry. Rolling landscape with occasional flora of scrub, grass, wildflowers and a tree. Miles of roadways endlessly getting you somewhere? But where?

It must be tough for a youngster to greet the world from Texas. There girls mature with bright white teeth showing from plump lips, on a beauty queen face atop a curvy body that screams feminine mystique. Somehow this presence is a stereotype of beauty and not sex, unless of course it’s on the field of the Cowboy’s football stadium in the form of cheerleaders with scanty uniforms.

In Texas the boys grow up macho. Full beard lines from age of 11, muscles prickling from every limb where they ought to be. The form of a man bursting early and with a mind centered on sports, horses and of course pretty girls.

Texas is the land of the Bible, you know. It is where one grows up knowing that boys and girls go together and marriage is one man – one woman. No deviation from this standard at all. No sireee! Tha’s the way it is in Texas…straight and down the narrow sights of a rifle. We do things reg’lar here, don’tcha know?

Of course all the oil in the universe comes from Texas. They discovered it, drilled it, refined it, shipped it and made the world market all about Texas. Not! Same for real estate deals, development, and the big supercollider. [Note: The original superdupercollider was to be built in Texas south of Dallas. After $4 billion federal tax dollars were dumped into the project it was shuttered due to too much sand and way too many fire ants! They grow giant failed developments in Texas, too!]

‘Lectricity is a foreign language we don’t talk about in Texas. Energy is all about oil, or maybe you pronounce it erl? Or may oll? We don’t hanker for anything that competes with oil. Well, maybe we make an exception for wind turbines. They’re big you know, Texas-size so it probably is OK to build those and use them. Besides we have all that land going to waste. Lots of space for wind farms.

Now guvmint is another thing we trouble with. Don’t like guvmint much, you know. Too many bureaucrats spendin’ our money on things that don’t matter. That the trouble with guvmint. People in it think they have the say. They don’t less we the people tell ‘em so. Like gay marriage. What in tarnation is that joke about? The Bible says one man, one woman, so where’s guvmint saying ‘tis the other way? They must have strange printin’ presses in DC. Changed the Bible, probably. Well, in Texas we do things our way.

Yep! It’s our way in Texas. Prob’ly otter draw lines around the state and declare us a separate country. Otter done that during the Civil War. Would have saved a bunch of time and trouble. Let’s see, we have nuf land, nuf people, bunch of illegal aliens to do the dirty work (thank God for those people!), and we’s got plenty of beef on the hoof to eat. We got the oil for world trade dollars. ‘Course I don’t know where we’d get the other goods we need to live with – clothes, food, trucks and cars, and all the rest of that. Guess the oil dollars will buy that stuff.

Another thing we got – our own electric power grid. Not connected to the rest of the country. Maybe those wind farms are a good thing after all! Let’s see, we got some good universities and the central brain shed for NASA. We could sell that stuff off. Don’t do nothing good anyhow.

Yep! I’m thinking we should have our own country, our own constitution, Bible and traditions. What’s good for Texas used to be what’s good for the US of A. Not anymore, though. Seems things are changin’ kinda fast in other parts of the country. That’s not like Texas. We gotta work hard to keep things the same. Somebody’s gotta do it.

Oh well, the sun’s a settin’ and I got a thirst. Where’s my beer? Hell, where’s my woman!?

Yep! Things ‘re fine in Texas. You just stay where ya are, ya’hear?

January 12, 2015