Family and Friends?

Got this quote off the Internet so can’t give credit to the author: “Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.”

Good thought. Sometimes family puts up a fight. I’m not sure why. Some always are mad. Angry with the world. Maybe their anger suspects I’m part of the problem they are mad about?  I don’t know. My sister won’t discuss this with me. She also won’t talk about politics or abortion rights, or anything that has to do with women. You see I’m a male and she has said I don’t have the right or authority to talk about these issues. 

My brother asked that I not send any political themed emails; blunt and to the point; no judgment. Just a demand to not do this. I conformed to his wish, not that I had ever sent him anything in the past. But then his lopsided conservative ideology emails began coming to me. One in particular equated all Muslims as terrorists; I responded that the conclusion was not supportable or accurate. He responded with: “I see things through a different lens.”  I guess. And it’s not one I care to waste my time over. But still he persisted in sending me likeminded drivel. So I responded to all: “Really you need to do more research on this issue; query Snopes.com; something.” He evidently was insulted by the comment and I haven’t heard from him in over a year; no phone call; no email traffic; no Facebook. Nothing. Think he is mad at me. Or maybe embarrassed.

Family. Why do they bother us so? Why are our hackles so easily disturbed by what a family member does, or doesn’t do, or says or doesn’t say? Hmmmmmm? I think this is an age-old problem that will be with us to the end of time.

The real issue is what we do about it. If we remain available, that’s good. If we return the animosity, that’s not good. And although I have tried middle points of reconnection, those haven’t worked either. So I am at the point of saying: “It’s your problem not mine. Deal with it.” Then just drop it. If they want to be in my life, they will decide the if and when.  Fine.  Dandy.

Now, friends. They connect with us where we live. They see what we go through and how we fare with it. They note our failures but stick by us until we turn right-side up again! They are there with knowledge, caring and long-term commitment. What a treasure! 

And the coming in and going out of our lives. Friends do that. We or they need our connection at a specific time. That need changes. Our lives change. We don’t see them for a while, or never again. It’s OK. It’s normal. We miss them. But not enough to rekindle the relationship. That’s not harsh. It is a two way street. They could rekindle, too but they don’t. Drifting apart does happen. It occurs over time. It is a natural process. I need not obsess over it!

Maybe family members don’t allow the drifting to take place? Instead they become short tempered, grumpy and opinionated? Maybe it’s a good thing family members take time-outs from time to time. Hmm. I hadn’t thought about that before. I’ve always felt I was the one who worked at keeping communication channels open. I think it must be their turn now!

I’ll keep you posted if this changes. Meanwhile, perhaps you could share a story or two along these lines?

March 24, 2012