I usually write one posting item in advance. Sometimes two
if my mind is whirring. That strategy keeps me from experiencing ‘blank page
syndrome,’ the key element of writer’s block. So far I haven’t experienced
that. Came close once.
I started this blog because I had a lot of stuff in my head
I wanted to get out in the open. I didn’t know if it was important or not; just
that it was crammed in the skull and its presence blocked dealing with other
things. Sort of like constipated thinking; all blocked up.
Once the blog started the brain pan began to empty! Not
unlike diarrhea! Sorry for the comparison but it seems to fit pretty well. I
have family members who would agree! They wonder why I think it is important
that I share these thoughts with anyone. Well, that’s an interesting question.
They don’t know what I’ve lived through. They don’t know
what my mind has contended with. They are not witness to my personal
development. A quote from the Internet (the great Anonymous in the sky!):
“You know my name, not my story.
You’ve heard what I’ve done,
Not what I’ve been through.”
So true. So very, very true.
What I’ve been through informed me, my mind, my soul, my
present-past-future. Putting it together was a struggle, but rewarding. It
taught me things. It taught me to ask the question Why? And How? It sought
answers. It didn’t jump to conclusions, because that just caused a lot of
rethinking when some conclusions didn’t hold up. So the process continued. The
questions kept coming. The Who? The What? The how? And the Why?
I read a lot. I talked to other people. I worked with a lot
of people. Always seeking more information. Answers. Building conclusions.
Wondering why and coming up with answers that often worked a long time before I
had to adjust them. And I did. Lots of times.
This struggle has continued for a long time. I still don’t
know all the answers to my questions. Nor will I! But the search has been
interesting. Sometimes fun. Eventually joyous.
I don’t feel isolated. I don’t feel smug. I don’t feel ‘know
it all.’ Not at all. What I feel is humble. Vulnerable. Still forming.
And I accept that. It’s a good thing. It’s all good!
Why? Because it pulls me out of myself, off of me as primary
focus. It drives me to other people and their skills and weaknesses, flaws and
gem-facets. Others are refreshing. Others are different, from me and you and
still others. It is the group that enlivens our lives. It is the meshing of
many minds that create tapestries of thought that enlighten us all. It is the
story of mankind universal. Each alone until we seek companionship; each alone
until we let other minds into our thinking; each alone until we share the all
with everyone.
Is that ego? Is that soul? Is that spirit? Or God, or what?
I am not a myth maker. I am a consumer of mythology; we all
are, right? We seek broader meaning and when confronted with great mysteries we
construct something to tide us over until we catch up with the facts and better
theory. Mankind has been doing that since the beginning of time. Trying to explain
what life is, why life is, what we are to do with this thing named ‘life.’
Well, the more I study it, the more I conclude that we are
here on this planet to enjoy one another and life itself. To do that we need to
be kind to one another and be helpful. Not hurtful. We need to cooperate and
collaborate. That means together. Not alone. Not focused on ‘I’, but ‘we.’
This is not poetry. It is fact. It is real. It is life. And
it is good.
Are we making too much of things? Are we ready yet to enjoy?
Or are we doomed to think and be dark and dreary and afraid?
“You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve
done, not what I’ve been through.” It is the latter that contains the struggle.
And it is honest. It is me. It is life.
March 26, 2012
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