From the Dark

Each of us lives life from a place just behind the forehead, above the eyes, a little in the center, but below the hairline. A dot maybe? A central core nonetheless. Well, at least that’s where my ‘dot’ is; perhaps yours is located somewhere else. For simplicity, let’s just say it’s our mind’s eye.

It is through this ‘eye’ we view the world; make sense of it. Ponder data related or not; testing what connects to what, and so on until our world view takes shape. In bits and pieces. Sometimes with a sudden thwack! And our view shifts by a small leap. Moments encountered throughout life altering how we see and understand the world around us. The mind’s eye is always open, always receiving. The mind may not be fully alert but the eye is. Taking in. Processing. Tickling settled ideas. Moving conclusions a bit. Tuning the view. Tuning the sense of it. 

Relationships with other people are important in developing a world view. As we acquire meaningful relationships during the first 30 years of our life (school chums, neighbor kids, family members, love interests, spouses, our own children, work colleagues, friends) we gain strong personal insights to the workings of human nature. As we move our focus to career matters our understanding of human dynamics broadens. Competitive forces become more apparent, and even marketplace issues develop. Survival, caveat emptor, who gets the promotion, did I sell the house for a fair price, or was I taken advantage of? – these are the practical matters that alter our world view. Cynicism may take root. Disappointment, too; maybe even bitterness.  

Whatever instigated the shift of temper it has incubated a negative to our personal relationship matrix, that base through which we contemplate interpersonal values and assessments. Some people we are careful around. For others we develop a dread. Still others we avoid completely. Some we tolerate, always seeking the spark we hope to see and experience from our relationship; something worthy lurks within that person, and we hope to experience the gem eventually. 

Whatever! I know you get it. We see others through this imaginary eye. But we also see ourselves. Clear or fuzzy, dim or illuminated fully, our self image peeks out at us from under cover. We slowly build a self view. Always building. Testing. Shifting. The world not as stage, but prism. A view port.  

World view versus self view. Critically balanced at times while horribly askew at others. Through this process over many years we do the work of life day by day, week by week, year by year. We call on ourselves to live up to expectations perceived from our contextual universe. We act on the hopes and dreams of others. We dare to dream our own dreams and act on them as well. Sometimes we are singular of purpose; other times we are scattered widely by the diverse demands working on us, imposing on us.  

Dark moods accompany some of this work. They are necessary. They aid our thinking process. They make us dive deep to consider what we want to avoid. Those are often the painful cores that dwell deep below the surface of our consciousness, awareness. But these also contain nuggets of meaning we need to deal with.  

Are they too difficult to ponder? Are they clustered in a knot that defies sorting out? 

If so, perhaps there is a need to unravel the knot. What does it contain that is of value? What hidden gem is cradled there? How do you get to it? Shine a light on it? How? 

I use a few techniques.  One is poetry; free verse. Don’t worry about the rhyme; or meter. Just pull out phrases and let logic connect them. They will you know; you must have faith in that. Meaning will emerge from the phrases. Spitting them out in bits and pieces is part of the unraveling of the knot. 

Another method is associative phrases or sentences. Begin with a basic statement, nothing complicated. This leads to another related statement; write it down. Keep the train of thought going, sort of like a singular brainstorming session. You are bouncing ideas off of yourself. Let the ideas flow. Keep writing! 

You may find conflicting or variant threads develop in that exercise. If so, break the session into two parts, or three. Pursue each separately. Eventually some conclusions emerge. Some so obvious you will laugh out loud at yourself! But some will not be obvious. Those you will stare at for a long while and save for later development. They are the gems you are looking for. 

A third process is writing short essays on singular topics. Take them one at a time. Jot down your thoughts on them. File them away somewhere. (Love the computer! Such a lot of memory and no paper files!) 

As time goes by you will find articulation easier on a broad array of subjects. You can begin to write more intentionally, clearly, purposefully. But also honestly. Your job is not to snow another person; or yourself. Your job is to understand your ‘within’ and bring it into the world. You might find sharing these essays with a few of your trusting friends helpful. You form a sense of audience that keeps you honest. Keeps you on target. Helps you maintain a balanced logic. 

You will make mistakes. It’s normal. Uncovering the inner self is a mystery brought to life. The mystery may survive. It may prosper. Yet again it may get bruised and bashed and whittled into a different shape. Such is the process of living. Fully. With the mind’s eye open. 

March 9, 2012