Building Trust

So many quotes appear on the internet. They grab attention and focus powerfully on a thought. I use these to spark inner debate. Ideas percolate in my mind and at some point the fingers begin banging out a blog, or newspaper column. Occasionally the thoughts coagulate into a series of articles.

Individually the quotes are thought provoking. But more comes of them when allowed to mingle with life experiences and current events.  Take this one for example:

“It’s funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, yet no one wants to hear the truth.”  ~Anonymous

For another day we will consider the broad anonymity of the internet! Why so many authors desire to be unknown, I don’t know. I just wish to give credit where credit is due for the thoughts used, and clearly report I am not taking credit for the quotation.

The quote cited is a good one for me today. Let me see if I can articulate why.

Being open with others is considered honesty. Also humility. We allow others to see our flaws without filters. We are on display for all to see, or whoever is interested!

The point is that we are not hiding from the scrutiny of others. That’s good unless it becomes a laundry list of horrors stashed away that ought not to be seen by others. You know the people who talk you into a corner at a party. They tell you their woes and if you show the slightest, polite interest, soon a cascade of misery flows over you. Smothering honesty of this sort is burdensome to the listener.

The opposite is worse: unending exaltation of the wonderful things happening in your life. Too much appears too good to be true. It is also boastful and diminishes the humility factor! And affects trust.

So we have two extremes: too much bad news and too much good news. What’s the proper balance? That is the critical question of course.

Between the two extremes is a lot of space, space we need to form our statements, capture their meaning and properly articulate to them for others to consume. We need to understand how our message will be received as well. If we miscalculate our message will be surely refused. A deaf ear will make our effort useless.

The effort to hear what another person is saying takes more work than articulating ones own message. Both the sender and the receiver have work to do. They are of equal consequence as well.

If meaningful communication is to take place, both parties have to be open to the other and to work at understanding what is being meant and what is received. Then too, both parties have to intentionally work at communicating back and forth in a manner that actually creates understanding. Not agreement. That is not the point of the communication at this point!

The internet and all the rest of society’s banter does little work in this regard. That explains why there is so much banter and howling for recognition and time to be heard. A lot of noise in the world. A lot of noise. Most of it signifying very little.

Building trust in communications is hard work. Like anything in life worth doing, it is worth doing well. Just that intention alone, builds trust. People tend to listen more carefully to those people who have something to say and have demonstrated a willingness to understand you and your response. Both parties are thus engaged in helping to understand one another. That reality builds trust. Openness and humility are essential ingredients to the process.

Unlike the public’s view of political discourse, politicians say what they think you want to hear and avow statements are factual when indeed they are not. Their rhetoric is misleading and intentionally so. They are trying to win power and influence not truth. In its very essence American political communications have become debased. The sad reality of it is the politicians themselves do not understand this to be the current state of affairs. They are as delusional as their speech.

Not all elected officials are politicians, however. The sad fact is that most voters do not understand this fact. They assume all persons on the ballot are politicians. Perhaps they are safe to assume so!

But when does actual, needed communication for the common good get accomplished? We all need this to happen. We need to know and believe what it is we are deciding on with our vote. Maybe it happens when good people clearly demonstrate their willingness to understand complicated social issues and stick around to do the hard work of communicating the same.

As Peanuts’ creator Charles Schulz claims:

“When people walk away, let them. Your future is not about people who walk away. It’s about the people who stay in it for the ride.”

In doing so, we have saved time and energy to make good communications happen! And that’s good for everyone. And remember this anonymous message from the internet as well:

“Not interested in politics? Hate to break it to you, but politics is interested in you, whether you like it or not. Get involved in your life!”

March 12, 2014