Taking Care of You

The Do-It-Yourself age has resided in America for several decades. Some would argue it’s been a part of our culture for much longer. Whatever, there is another aspect of the DIY ethic that has crept up on us. Many would aver this has always been a part of American life. I would argue otherwise. Of course there is the intellectual set that would debate the issue further.

The immediate topic at hand is – Taking Care of the Inner You.

According to Facebook.com/ChangeYourThoughtsToday, here’s what they suggest, and I think it is a good place to begin today’s blog:

            “12 Steps for Self Care

1.      If it feels wrong, don’t do it.

2.      Say ‘exactly’ what you mean.

3.      Don’t be a people pleaser.

4.      Trust your instincts.

5.      Never speak bad about yourself.

6.      Never give up on your dreams.

7.      Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’.

8.      Don’t be afraid to say ‘yes’.

9.      Be kind to yourself.

10.  Let go of what you can’t control.

11.  Stay away from drama and negativity.

12.  Love.”

Well now, that’s a mouthful of wisdom! I suggest we each print this out and tape it to our bathroom mirror, or maybe even our computer screens. This list is a reminder for us of what to watch for throughout each day.  A guide to remind us of important things we should do to be healthy in mind.

A mature personhood is one which navigates life’s troubles with self awareness and openness to difficulty. Not to be defeated by challenges is a dear lesson learned. Ill health? How do I accept that prognosis and follow doctor’s orders? How do I make the best of the situation? Do I accept defeat and wind down my own clock to the future? Do I waste away and let my will just disappear?

I think maturity says something else about challenges and what we think of as defeat.  For example, going broke and recognizing the lack of money. How do I react to this situation?  I think the mature person realizes how much good in life is free and enjoys those things with abandon. A deep breath of fresh air is one. Knowing the presence of a fresh spring aroma, or the crisp ‘nose’ of wintry air chilled by a fresh snowfall. Or the chirp of an early bird near the window sill.

How about laughter heard from afar? Someone is enjoying life and it has burbled over for us to witness. But do we normally hear it at all?  Probably not. It is there, however. For us to note and to enjoy. The laughter of others, of joy felt.

Sitting quietly in a chair, feeling warm sunshine on the feet, sensing my dog coiled at my feet in safe repose - these are images of comfort and ease, and safety.  Security. Lack of danger. This is one of life’s good things. Do we notice it?

The 12 Steps helps us prepare the mind to act and pro-act to situations that we might otherwise behave poorly in. We could go down the list and talk about each one, but that would be boring! The reader can do this for him or herself easily enough. How honestly we think on each of the steps is a test of inner honesty.

For me, number 3 is a critical item: ‘don’t be a people pleaser.’  I think we are conditioned to be a pleaser, or so dislike the animosity of being unpleasing, we avoid it entirely. It is one thing to listen to another person and feed back your understanding of their message so they know you are paying attention, than it is to give the impression you agree with what they just said. That leads to certain folly not easily undone.

Not agreeing with someone or doing something counter to what another wishes you to do, does not mean we need to act disagreeably. We can disagree and be polite at the same time. In fact it is this chemistry in interpersonal relations that allow us to grow the relationship. Maturity helps us see that reality.

The entire list of 12 Steps helps us avoid drama and negativity. Together they build wholeness of mind and spirit.

That ought to enable us to love and be loved. And isn't that a people pleaser in and of itself?

March 13, 2014