Generational Disconnects

Working with all kinds of people from all sorts of background creates challenges. But none more than that caused by gaps in ages among conversants. One generation difference in age is hard enough. Add two generations and the tasks expand geometrically!

Parents recall dealing with their own kids as they grew up. The very early years were ones of love and coddling and fun. Discipline entered the scene later on, but guiding our own kids toward emergent responsibility and social patterns became a large task. In teenage years the chasm of understanding was enormous, or at least it seemed so at times! We each have stories of such times.

And when the adult years of our kids finally came (or seemingly returned!?) we were relieved and grateful. Extremely grateful.

Now in my dotage and they in their full-on adult years, the generation gap is more easily navigated. It is even collaborative. They help me work with my computer skills, and they help translate modern language into my language so I’m not so out of it. Yes, we work together these days to understand each other. And surprise! They even ask us about how to raise kids at certain ages and development. We learned by doing and accident. So will they, but at least we can commiserate now and again for composure.

Ah, composure. Much needed when dealing with grandkids, but very doable. As they mature the rewards are huge. And I love this about this stage of life.

But there is still a challenge: dealing with other kids who are grandkids of other families.

I find myself in that pickle today while working with the teen addict group on Wednesday evenings. They are all approximately the age of my grandkids (the oldest ones, anyway) and I am having some problem understanding their language, expressions and immature take on the world.

When something is sensitive to them they talk in a soft voice just above a whisper. At my age that is hard to hear! But the softness of their approach tells me they are hurting and wondering if their understanding of the situation is correct, or even adequate. Body language, too, underscores their doubt. They do not sit up straight when discussing these issues; they bend over, low to the ground, hunched over their knees, or maybe have their arms wrapped around their knees and legs while still sitting in a chair! The tortured and twisted shape of their body language informs me of much angst and doubt.

Engaging them in conversation on broader issues doesn’t help either. The trouble? They do not have the personal experience to feel the language of the issue. They are mouthing words from others. They have not done the research or posed the questions and then researched the answers. They are on automatic pilot and spewing what they have heard on the radio or TV newscasts.

And in this season of political campaign rhetoric the conversations are not pretty. Frustrating, yes; and almost totally unproductive.

When asking for clarification on points made, none comes. And I learned to leave it alone. It is not worth a lesson from an elder on the facts of the situation. They are not interested. Worse, they are not caring or aware of the basics. All of that will come later. It did for us adults. It is a process after all, and each of us must be allowed the time to travel through the process and learn.

This is the maturing process. The only surprise beyond this is the realization that the maturing process is life-long. Yes, even old people continue to learn and broaden their understanding.

That would encompass understanding others, other generations, other points of view, and even my own point of view. Who would have thought?

So much work to do. So much understanding to be built before I – or we – get it!

But stick to it. The reward is great and worth the effort.

November 2, 2016