Dealing with Flaws

We are all imperfect. We’d like to think otherwise but when we’re honest we realize the truth. I have flaws. We are faulty human beings. It is a natural thing. I am flawed. You are flawed. Our heroes are flawed. Loved ones are flawed.

What to do about it? Well mostly we do nothing intentional. We tend to cover up our lesser features and boost our good qualities. We put our best face forward – don’t we?

I wonder how much time we spend improving our image to others. I’ve caught myself doing it many times. Suppose it is human nature. Doesn’t make it right, just normal.

Unfortunately, flaws tend to pop up when least convenient; old ones well practiced or new ones with fresh shock value. How could we have done that? Or said what we did? Did we just slip in our social graces or is this the way we really are? How permanent is this condition? Can we do something about it?

Depends on what’s on our plate at any given time. We have things to do that have an urgency all their own. They have to be done or else we go hungry, homeless or worse – embarrassed!

Yes. We do something about flaws. Just not always the right thing; or at the right time.

I was with a group of young adults the other day. They were struggling with dependency on others – things, people, family – or group dynamics. They seemed to be saying they had trouble dealing with people who don’t understand their circumstances. They didn’t know what to do about those folks.

Upon reflection I’m not sure our instincts work well when we most need them, but most of the time they do. I think it helps if we are aware of our own failings and able to forgive ourselves for them. That is the first step in living with others in peace. Self awareness.

Forgiving me for being incomplete and imperfect is a healthy move towards recognizing others exactly as they are – complete with their imperfections. Parents mean well but live their lives as best they can with or without self knowledge of flaws; with or without the confidence of their actions. They act, of course; often without conviction because they are not sure what to do or what is right.

They are not alone. We are not alone. It is part of the human condition. Wisdom comes with experience and pain.

Wisdom also comes with being vulnerable – open to life’s experiences in ways that help us understand those experiences. Without vulnerability we are cold, calculating and judgmental. We over think things; mostly we over think other people and their motives. In doing that we do not let them into our lives. In turn walls are built between persons so both do not let the other in. Oh they probably think otherwise! In reality they are acting on a stage without feeling or compassion.

Understanding other people begins with understanding self. Not easy. Especially in our society of surface beauty and social standing. There is so much more to me; and you. Are we paying attention? Do we want to understand? Do we let these things chance success?

March 25, 2013