Parenting

Anxiously awaited and wanted. Scary, too, but wanted nonethesame.

I always thought I’d make a good dad. When the time came I had many doubts!  I kept looking for a How To Manual but none came to light other than Dr. Spock’s classic epic. I didn't read it. Ann did. And she did quite well.

No preparation for parenthood, just good intentions. Good enough? Maybe but probably not.

A lot goes on in the world. As kids we were affected by those happenings. As adults we continued to be affected. As parents, whoa! Now the situation took shape in a completely fresh and challenging way.

The 1970’s was one era of challenge. The challenge of the 2010’s is huge as well. Maybe different than in our day, but still a huge challenge. We enter these contests without training or special knowledge. Just good intentions and love. The latter gets us through it. We have our doubts and our nightmares. We have our successes and our celebrations. We also have friends, neighbors and family which meet the challenges in different ways with completely different results. And yet many of the results are similar.

Today we have a rampant drug culture. Of course had it 40 years ago as well, but today’s drug culture seems more insidious. It is everywhere. In good neighborhoods and bad. The one constant is illegality with the attendant threat of violence and court cases with maybe a prison term thrown in for good measure.

Why? Why is this a specific threat to us now?  Of course it has been all along the journey. No generation is immune. We all have to deal with it. Some of us have had it visit us in our homes. Others were lucky and escaped that intrusion. But the threat of involvement with our kids and grandkids remains a large social issue yet to be solved.

Working with drug and alcohol abuser teens, just for 9 months, I came to realized that the youth do not feel heard. Whether that is a fair conclusion on their part (or mine!) is not the point. They turn to those who will listen to them think through their questions, feelings and fears. Also their hopes and dreams.

Most parents have a hard time finding the time to take out the trash and plan their finances. Opening up to their kids’ life-stretching questions is a tall order. So many of us turned a deaf year, then and now.

But we cannot afford to let this slip by.

Here’s a quote that may help us understand.

“There comes a point in life when fun no longer means clubbing, drinking, or being out til 4 AM, or thinking about yourself!

Fun means Disney movies, family dinners, bedtime stories, long cuddles, a messy house, sleeping by 10 pm and hearing little voices say ‘I love you’.

Becoming a parent doesn't change you, it makes you realize that the little people that YOU created deserve the very best of your time.” 

~Author Unknown

In fulfilling this changed lifestyle we will also learn and love our kids much better. It takes discipline and selflessness. Both of these are not always available, so mistakes happen. Sticking to the mission, however, we wind up successful with preparing our kids for their adult life and their years of parenthood.

Of course a lot of luck is needed as well. Most of all it takes time to set aside time to build solid communications with the younger generation. That and paying attention to them.

Some of us were successful at this; others of us were not. As I said, luck has a lot to do with it. And love. Don’t stint on the latter.

April 11, 2014