The hardest thing to accomplish in life is to learn who you are, the core identity. What makes you you. Who I am?
We encounter the task early in life quite by accident. “And what do you want to be when you grow up” is the iconic question posed by elders. We answer with whatever job roles pop to mind – policeman, fireman, football player – or the other omnipresent answer – “I dunno know.” Maybe a mere shrug of the shoulders is our response.
The ‘who am I’ question is not restricted to the youngest among us. The question arises again and again throughout life as experience and consciousness beg us to consider what is next. The future; what shape do I want it to take?
Do I answer the challenge directly? Or do I slough it off until a later time? Do I avoid answering entirely? Do I seek guidance from a trusted friend or family member? Possibly I take up some books to find some answers?
The busy-ness of life helps us avoid the hard questions. We get away with it and no one is present to steer our attention back to the unanswered questions. This is our work to do. No one else’s.
And yet that task may be easier to do than we think.
What interests me the most? What topics or ideas, or activities, do I enjoy spending time on? Are these internal and mind-centered? Or are they physical activities? What is it about this “thing” or idea that interests me? Can I isolate it and focus on it?
What kind of people do I like to be around, and why? Are they focused on the same things that interest me? Or are they into other things that are different, but don’t affect our relationship? In fact do their interests enrich my interests?
When I am around other persons, either alone or in groups, what do they reflect back to me? Am I getting an image of myself from them in some way? Do I like that image, which ‘mirrored’ reflection? Can I see myself clearly yet in a different way?
The world is a complex place. We find our way on our own, yet not completely. We have help and we have clues along the journey. But the work of discerning what it all means at any given moment is our task to do. Those meanings which stick with us grow over a lifetime; they become our sense of self. It is very important to us. To have it is the process of finding oneself. To keep it fresh and clear is the process of keeping oneself.
Where are you on this journey? Are you excited by it?
It is wise to do this work well each time we are called upon to do it. Why? Because we will need to do this work again and again as our journey unfolds. We may think of ourselves as the same, but we are not. We unfold different aspects as we experience the many phases of life. The journey only ends with death. By then we will have found ourselves many times, each an opportunity to be more of what we truly wish to be.
It is not so much a coming of age as a becoming of self. It’s a good thing that keeps us fresh and able to adapt to still newer challenges.
Be still from time to time and think upon this process. You’ll be glad you did.
November 8, 2011
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