Hurt Feelings; Are we Listening?

What hurts our feelings? What brings us to attention? What spur was present to do that? And why did we react the way we did?

Normal feeling is quietude. Witness the minor happenings around me. This is my day. This is my life.

A news report. An email. An internet report. TV program, news or documentary. Thread of a story emerges. The noise of the day crescendos. Getting louder now. More audible and visible. Intruding on my quiet. Can’t ignore its presence anymore.

What to focus on. Which grabs my attention? Why? Is it pleasant or negative? Does it alarm me or comfort? Why does it matter?

News story that provides continuing support of a previous story. Unfolding presence of the story. Mind grappling with it. Let’s see which one this morning burst through the quiet to get my attention? Was that a planned interruption to my day?

Occupy Wall Street movement is the topic. Reporters have stopped some participants on the street. Interviewing them. Asking a few questions. They start their comments; they build off of each other’s. Story expands. Emotion builds. Their anger and frustration is evident. Political comments have been made and they have reacted. They feel the righteous indignation of being misunderstood. Beginning to feel the misunderstanding is actually a put on; a critical comment against their movement.

Occupy Wall Street. A movement. Why does it exist? Is it a manipulation by a few just to make noise? Is it a tool to be adopted by trouble makers to upset the establishment? The wealthy? The smug? The selfish? Why do we even use these words together. Are they really helping us understand the milieu or gestalt of the issue, its context?

Probably not, but the emotion suggests otherwise. Let’s see if we can piece it together.

• OWS complains about greed of Wall Street, the financial establishment of the nation; does that stick together?
• Conservative politicians (Newt Gingrich for one) suggests OWS demonstrators  get a job and a bath; is that political hard ball without substance? Or a valid observation?
• OWS supporters lumped together as misfits and malcontents; are they?
• Movement characterized as undisciplined and leadership-less; how true is this?
• Police justified or not in removing protestors from public spaces?
• Police behavior justified in their job in handling the protestors?
• Who is seeking control of the situation? Which situation are we speaking of? The one where public authorities feel a responsibility to maintain public order? Or the one in which protestors have a message to deliver?
• Does the movement require a protest environment to make the message heard?
• Is the targeted audience hearing the message? Can they hear it? Will they allow themselves to hear it?
• Is the message skewed and dishonest? Or is it pointed and on the mark?
• If the parties to the message, the senders and hearers, connect, will this do any good?
• If yes, why and how?
• If not, why and how?

Lots of people are out of work. Many are working but at low paying jobs, much lower paid than what they were earning several months or a few years ago. Mortgages are paid with extreme difficulty. Health matters are put off for financial reasons. Food and diets are slimmed down; way down. Help is needed to fix the situation. Understanding the situation is critical. What broke down? Why did it break down? Beyond the blame, the “who, what and how” has to be assembled to repair the brokenness that is so evident.

We have an open social history. We are a people seeking connection and meaning and meaningful paths of life. We are educated and intelligent. For those who are less educated, they are still intelligent. We are the backbone of the social network, the fabric of our nationhood. And yet we are being yelled at even while we speak of our hurt and problems. Ours is a vocal culture. We speak up. Our nation was built on this. We share our ideas. Our culture requires this to make a stronger social fabric. We work together. We create together. We celebrate our successes together.

We are family. We care.

Yet we conduct wars. Wars of ideas. Misunderstandings that expand well beyond the narrow base from which they began. Are we ready for a fight?

If we are, can we listen to the central facts of the message without distorting it out of a sense of defense or bias? It’s a challenge to be open. It’s hard to hear another’s voice. It is even more difficult to hear beyond the social context or cultural conditioning.

Our words are taken out of context so often. People jump to conclusions as to what we meant. They choose to fight that interpretation, but they are the ones doing the interpreting. And how wrong they often are! We are!

The hurt. Disappointment. How much is avoidable? How do we help make avoidance possible and healthy at the same time? How do we regroup and begin the conversation over, this time with positive intent and result? With respect?

Have we poisoned the communication network fatally? Or is there still life left in it to use wisely?

November  25, 2011