Filling Holes

You buy a new home. You assess the exterior to be sure it is weather tight. You gaze on the property’s curb appeal and wonder how it can be improved. Once weather tight, what should I tackle next? The lawn, shrubs, tree trimming, flower planting, overall design of the landscaping? How about the driveway? Does it need patching or replacement?

These are the concerns outdoors, but the indoors, now that’s a whole other topic. Before moving in what flooring needs replacement or at least deep cleaning? And the paint; are the colors right for us and our décor? What about rooms in which the walls are dirty and scarred by previous residents? Are repairs needed?

Of course the status of the kitchen and bathrooms need to be assessed. Before long we may have some projects to take on to make the place our own, and to update common conveniences.

That leads to an inspection of plumbing, electrical, heating and air conditioning. Are all of these systems whole and working properly? Might they need preventive maintenance soon, or even replacement? So much to think about and plan. And of course we need to time the expenses for times we are most likely to have the funds to pursue these projects.

Holes. Holes in our home – the gaps between what we expect and what we have.

Similar to our lives, too. What we expect from life, and in life, compared with what actually exists. Are things working out as expected from past dreams? Or are there glaring gaps? And if the latter, what do we do about it?

There are many tactics to examine. We can determine just how important our dreams and expectations were and whether they were important at all. We adapt to circumstances fairly easily most of the time. When it comes to dreams being fulfilled, however, the adjustment is a bit more difficult.

In my own life I had dreams of owning a big home sustained by a magically huge income from investments and brilliant business careers!  Of course I would dream of that, in the days when still a teenager filled with wonder at what lay ahead. That’s what those years are for. A teenager thinks about what interests him/her. What might that interest importune as a way of living, or a career, or financial success? At that time of life all things are possible.

Even kids living in poverty are able to scan the news stories based on kids striking it rich in the entertainment industry, or the technology field. There are magical stories readily available to fuel the belief that anyone can get rich if they play their cards right, or if they are very lucky at just the right time!

Sure. Anything is possible. But as we grow older, as we deal with the day to day living details we mature our thinking and focus on what most important: food, shelter, clothing, health and relationships. Safety first; happiness second. The basics of life. Learned the hard way with a helping hand from time to time from family and friends.

Help from the family is not guaranteed. Many families live lives of diverse expectations. College education is not a given in most families. High school graduation, yes, college degree no. In such families the depth of a person’s life is not computed with educational achievement. Somehow they are kept separate.

Not in our family. Education and happiness were equated. A person in the family simply kept going to school until they felt they were ready to go out on their own. A bachelor’s degree at the time was the primary marker to begin life on one’s own. But more study beckoned and I returned twice to higher education, earning a master’s degree in the early 1980’s. That was my normal. Others stopped at the four-year degree, still others went on to a PhD and even post doctoral study.

It mattered to many that career challenges begged for more education. That is how entire industries move forward to develop new technology, new services and products. We, the people, participate in this movement with our curiosity, intellect, training and education. We search for new things and make them real. We who are alert and willing will make this happen. All others will have to follow or fall by the wayside. Theirs is not an owner’s role – part and parcel of what is happening. They are just there, users and takers, not givers and creators.

Although America is a consumer’s culture, it has also been a makers culture. What is real, shared and used, is what we make and create. And that is the business of recognizing holes and filling them intelligently. Finding the holes and filling them.

It works in personal lives, too. As we move beyond one phase change to another we discover holes and will work to fill them. The question is: How well will we fill the holes? How serious will our efforts be in learning about the holes and what is truly needed to fill them?

Time, honesty and self awareness -- the magical ingredients to doing this work. Will we be up to the task? Well now, that's the real question isn't it?

April 13, 2015