Wanting or Needing?

At the teen group meeting the other night we went around the room asking what was the best thing that happened this week for them and what was the worst thing. The usual sorts of things came out, some funny some not so funny. One girl expressed anger that her parents think she has demonstrated high risk behavior but denied it vigorously. When asked to expand on her comments, she claimed her folks examined her phone data and learned she had been texting and querying various topics that indicated her interest in topics that were drug related or plot-based planning. The word terrorist jumped into the conversation, from where I’m not sure.

The group commented that some of her queries would be easily misunderstood by anyone scanning her texts. She was asked why she had done this and was it really a tease to her parents?

She became quite distressed and accused us of telling her what to do. Combative. Emotional. Without warning or build-up. Obviously some subtext was present of which we were unaware. Others in the room became uneasy. Soon our hour was over and with relief we ended the session and made our exit. I suspect most of us were glad the hour was over.

On the drive home I thought and rethought the exchanges with this girl. The illogical, irrational turn of the discussion’s trajectory was very odd. Eventually it alarmed me. Had I been trained in this I think I would have reported the incident to the program staff and suggested an intervention and possibly a hospitalization. Her parents were already considering moving her into a residential rehab facility and this had scared the girl. Perhaps the parents’ instincts were spot on?

We won’t know for another week or so what if anything came of this incident. It does serve to illustrate what issues we encounter in this drug/alcohol abuse rehab program we are involved in. Although we come to it from an Alcoholics Anonymous perspective, we are embedded in the substance abuse program. Ours is a means to get the kids to discuss their issues and move forward toward a life without substance abuse be it alcohol or drugs. Just the talking about these matters is a positive step. You might be surprised at how difficult it is to get these young people to talk about their issues, however. They will talk about anything but.

Of course there is group sharing with gales of laughter and gossipy sniggers all about their use patterns and how they went over the top on such and such a date. Or event, or circumstance…blah, blah, blah. A lot of blah! It is maddening to me to watch them avoid the hard work of facing their problems. They say they don’t have a problem! That others are projecting on them the ‘problem’. But we all know they are afflicted.

With what, you say? With the illusion that they are fully responsible adults and can do as they wish. These are kids of 13 to 17 years of age. Most are not even able to discuss post puberty issues yet. And even then with smirks and feigned sophistication. No they are mostly immature and unwilling to say that word, let alone be willing to discuss the issues for which they have been forced to enroll in the program. They are in full denial of their problems.

A few of the older kids have come to their own awareness of this and you can read it in their eyes. They ‘get it’ and they seem embarrassed that we adult volunteers have to witness the silliness of their peers. Because of their reaction I know the program works. It just takes time and individual participants react in their own time to deal with the reality.

I will see them tonight and it will be interesting to learn if anything came from last week’s incident. It is not always easy to keep such momentum on track or follow it; two or three new kids join the group each week while others are graduating or disappearing. We don’t always know why they disappear. Some are in resident treatment centers. Others are in jail. A very few wind up in prison. It all depends on how honest the kids are with their inner selves and with each other.

The more open ones graduate to a life of self control and unfolding potential. The less open ones repeat their behaviors over and over again and sink below the waves of society never to be seen again. One always wonders how much potential is lost to this disease of substance abuse. And why it goes on and on.

It is a medical and psychological condition. Not a criminal one. Yet that is the ultimate treatment, isn't it? I wonder how we can save them from this fruitless, painful devolution?

April 10, 2015