Midst a Crowd

Driving solo for 1800 miles to Phoenix is a non-crowd thing. No one in the car with me. Just the radio, CD's and satellite radio. Or silence.

Good thinking time. Lots of scenery to watch along with traffic conditions, but then, all those Interstate miles don’t involve heavy traffic with the exception of occasional urban areas en route. Those traffic conditions are unpleasant but do not constitute ‘crowd’ as I normally think of it.

No, crowds to me are groups of people, massed on a sidewalk, in a waiting area of a large transportation hub, or in stores and offices, auditorium or theater. Crowds of people together but not actually interacting with one another with the exception of a few couples or small groups who know each other.

Alone in a crowd. An interesting experience when you think on it. Do I ignore the others surrounding me? Or do I make attempts to connect to strangers? Well, over many decades in these situations I almost always attempt to make a connection. So as not to feel alone?  Who knows?

Kim Culbertson gave us this quote on the internet the other day:

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”

By the wrong people. As I ponder that phrase a sense of solitary space comes to mind. Unconnected. A lack of resonance with people nearby.

Soon after graduating from college I busied myself in Chicago’s metropolitan scene. I had friends from campus who were interested in similar things as we hung together after work. These activities tended to be political gatherings, campaigning for favored candidates, that sort of thing. After the events we tended to form cliques at cocktail parties, candidate meet and greets and similar social functions. Winding down from the scheduled event we’d discuss all sorts of issues, normally centered on the political party (Republican – this was the mid 1960’s).

During those chats I noticed how serious the discussions became, how intellectualized the prattle. After a while it seemed people postured their ideas and their personalities as if this was needed to prove their worth to the group. As more alcohol was consumed the chatter became downright pedantic.

A few months of these interactions and I became bored. Yes, even lonely, in a crowded room. There was no meaningful connection to the group. They were talking in code and for their own preconceived notions, not the objectives of the group. I felt alone. They seemed alone. I realized we were all speaking a foreign language and not connecting. In a crowd we were alone. In a very real sense.

Have you felt like that? Alone in a crowded room?

Many years later I found peace with this. Is used the alone time to think about the big picture. What were we doing in this space? What was our purpose for being here? Were we seeking meaning? Togetherness? Were we searching for ourselves? Why then this particular venue? These specific people? Were we likely to find what we were looking for here?

Over the years I became adept at using these moments – these social spaces – for good. I could almost see why others were present. They provided the yin for my yang, the creative push to make sense of the setting. And the big picture evolved, slowly, then with more speed, a gathering focus.

Interesting. Process formed. Meaning oozed out a bit. Things began to make sense. Little by little. And the crowd took on a value totally different than what I began with.

Today it remains the same. Some of my best thinking is done in solitary, on the road, miles whiling past the window. But still the crowd scene provides the alone time, too, for thinking and piecing together important thoughts.

Maybe we all need this time? Together to be alone?

May 16, 2014